STARWEB EMAIL DISCUSSION GROUP (THE SEDG) (Sponsored by Flying Moose Technologies' Starweb Analyzer - http://flyingmoose.cjb.net) VOL 29 March 27, 2000 CONTENTS Feature Article - BEING AN EVIL OVERLORD Questions - Anonymous games SEDG Web Page URL The Captain's Log The Swap Corner - Finding specific worlds or Fleets on the map. Empire Builder gifts made easy. Correspondence FEATURE ARTICLE I thought it might be a fun departure to run with an entertaining article on being an Evil Overlord. Although it is not specifically focussed on Starweb the principals involved can't help but make you a better gamer :-). I have found that it is the more controversial topics (especially if they deal with picking at the upgrades/improvements we want to see in Starweb) that generates the most correspondence :-). While that may be good for circulation I think I will give Rick a break and stop picking on him (before I find myself looking for a new gaming Co. :-). BEING AN EVIL OVERLORD ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This list is Copyright 1996 by Peter Anspach (anspach@aftermath.math.uoknor.edu) If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached. -------------------------------------------------------- Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord... 1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones. 2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. 3. My noble half-brother, whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon. 4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies. 5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. 6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them. 7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, "Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will be, "No, just sensible." 8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No" and shoot him. 9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out. 10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push." The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such. 11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself. 12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well. 13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat. 14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident -- I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it. 15. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any. 16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation. 17. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal. 18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes. 19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request. 20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation. 21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused. 22. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know." 23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice. 24. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time. 25. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father. 26. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly. 27. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my legions of terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set. 28. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head. 29. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks. 30. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.) 31. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot. 32. If I am engaged in a duel to the death with the hero and I am fortunate enough to knock the weapon out of his hand, I will graciously allow him to retrieve it. This is not from a sense of fair play; rather, he will be so startled and confused that I will easily be able to dispatch him. 33. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber. 34. I will never build only one of anything important. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times. 35. If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this. 36. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble. 37. Even though I don't really care, because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no good structural reason. 38. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion. 39. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be pre-emptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief. 40. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick. 41. Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed. 42. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by. 43. I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along. 44. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions. 45. I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung. 46. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps. 47. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X. 48. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison. 49. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant. 50. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age. 51. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army. 52. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve. 53. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices. 54. I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or being executed. 55. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around. 56. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans. 57. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance. 58. I will not rely entirely upon "totally reliable" spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talisman. 59. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up, I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling. 60. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor. 61. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature. 62. I will treat any beast, which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge. 63. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact that can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead, I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a want ad in the local paper. 64. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks. 65. I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency. 66. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the condition of the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position. 67. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about. 68. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say, "Oh well." and kill her. 69. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being, then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary. 70. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance; I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- QUESTIONS - Can anyone answer these? Did you know that FBI has a way to ensure that anonymous games remain that way. Anyone care to take a stab at how? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- STARWEB EMAIL DISCUSSION GROUP - is now available on the web. Look for our new MAPPER'S SECTION on the SEDG Web Page. http://www.accessv.com/~somnos/sedg.htm ----------------------------------------------------------------------- FEATURE - THE CAPTAIN'S LOG 000326.0724-5 By Walt Schmidt walts@dorsai.org The Evil Overlord...continued "All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised." - Mark Twain As Elliot started this thing, let me add to it with another set of what not to do if one is planning to be an Evil Overlord, my favorites are at the end. 71. After I capture the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him. 72. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild. 73. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size. 74. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual. 75. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals. 76. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight. 77. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time. 78. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded. 79. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am. 80. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win. 81. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door. 82. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex. 83. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important. 84. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure. 85. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical." 86. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button." 87. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage. 88. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again. 89. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again. 90. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them. 91. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution. 92. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him. 93. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw. 94. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first. 95. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no. 96. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.) 97. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer. 98. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment. 99. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner. 100. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them. 101. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins. 102. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress. 103. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.) 104. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa. 105. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled. 106. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look. 107. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords. 108. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice. 109. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system. 110. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them. 111. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full- scale emergency. 112. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention. 113. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value. 114. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk. 115. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in-groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner. In these times of technology, I particularly like 73, 79, 98 and 114! - Shai Dorsai ! Nemo ----------------------------------------------------------------------- FEATURE - THE SWAP CORNER HOW DO I Part V A) Find a specific fleet on the World/Map View. 1. In the List View select by World. 2. Type the fleet number (e.g. F114) in the Order Entry Box on the Toolbar. 3. Follow the fleet number by a '/' (e.g. F114/) or press the Find button on the Tool Bar. The world is highlighted in the World/Map Views. B) Find a specific world on the map. Method 1 1. Scroll to the world on the World View and then left click on it. It should appear highlighted in the Map View. Method 2 1. In the List View select by World. 2. Type the world number (e.g. W114) in the Order Entry Box on the Tool Bar and follow it by a '/' or press the 'Find' button. C) Find the best gift for my Empire Builder buddy. 1. Select the Worlds(owner) filter and select yourself as the owner. 2. In the World View select the Sort by EB points. The World View should now be in ascending order of worlds that you own according to the worth of each world to an Empire Builder. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- CORRESPONDENCE Herb Diehr said: Thank you for SEDG! Concerning the rights FBI has, or not, please consider this: Rick Loomis has given all of us here something precious to our lives. To return to him the ingratitude of taking his creation, his efforts and his gift to us and using it without permission and in a way which he clearly did not intend or care for is a mean-spirited way to repay such a gift. While it may not be illegal, it is wrong. Our society may accept this behavior but I will not and you should not; it perpetuates theft, intellectual and physical. Years ago, I asked Rick's permission (Origins, 1980) to modify his game and run it among friends. He graciously allowed me to run a variant I called Dire Web. This had 775 worlds in an almost separate web, which was very poor, but occasionally had very interesting things, such as unseen, one-way connectors out into distant areas of the real map. Also, this game allowed I-and-P-Ships to be converted into seeking missiles, losing strength every connector they crossed. They could be very large and used for ambushes (GYB), too. An interesting variant. Now, this was rather a hairy game to run (by hand). However, we had fun for a couple of years. Rick has no obligation to give us things; he probably is considering retiring more than games. Perhaps a little more civility and a little less greed would be in keeping with our Lenten season. Editor: Herb - that Direweb sounds great. A Starweb with so many worlds and hopefully players would not be able to polarize into 2 camps. I would still worry that it would become a merchant race throughout the web but it would be a very neat game. John Shannonhouse said: Assuming no programming restrictions, the following would be interesting. PROPOSED RULE CHANGES: 1. You may not ally with a player of your own type. 2. You must be allied to everyone who is allied to your allies. 3. The ally command must be issued by both sides on the same turn or it does not take effect for either side. All members of a current alliance make the offer or it fails. 4. Ally command includes loader command. 5. You may declare a non-ally a loader. 6. You may ally with at most three other players. 7. You may offer to ally with someone you have not seen. 8. The "Non-Ally" command breaks all alliances, and comes before all other commands including the "Ally" command, which immediately follows. 9. You may make gifts only to allies. 10. You may transfer ships only to allies and to neutral keys/worlds. 11. There is no "Ambush Off" command. 12. An Apostle treats a PBB on it's key as 50 ships for conversion purposes. 13. Pirate plunder value decreases by 8 per plunder, not 10. Minimum plunder value is 20. 14. Average starting "within 3" mines to total no more than 27. 15. Merchants get half points when dropping metal/CGs on non-allies. 16. The Artifact Collector will know what the Black Box does in the game if he owns it. A description will appear as a message from the Black Box each turn he owns it. 17. An AC gets 30 points per turn for owning a museum. A museum made entirely of ancients & Pyramids is worth 45 points a turn. 18. A non-AC will get 15 points/turn for owning a museum. 19. An Apostle's greatest treasure acts as 15 ships for conversion purposes for his key. 20. A Pirate's greatest treasure acts as 15 ships for pirate capture purposes for his key. 21. An Empire Builder's greatest treasure allows the world to scrap 5 metal to create one mine. 22. A merchant's greatest treasure allows him to haul to a non-ally for full points with that one key. 23. A berserker's greatest treasure allows him to do double damage with non-robot attacks from the owning key. Editor: Thanks. Those were quite interesting. I like the limitations of number of allies and the addition of powers for greatest treasures the most. El From Mike Wulkan - CEO Flying Moose Technologies The Flying Moose Technologies Forum powered by Coolboard has recently added many new features. As you may have seen this is a message board where public discussions on any topics pertaining to our company, the Starweb Analyzer or Starweb can be posted. It is similar to a Usenet newsgroup and I find the handling of threads much easier to follow. You can go directly to the board by using this connection --> http://www.coolboard.com/board.cfm/mb=973080192651561&mc=RB0011&ric=105 705001 Visit http://www.coolboard.com to see all the additions to the Coolboard service. In a nutshell - 1) VOICE MESSAGING - Coolboard now enables people to leave voice messages along with text messages on their message boards. This will revolutionize the way our members communicate. 2) THE ABILITY TO VIEW MESSAGE BOARDS BY THREAD, TOPIC AND DATE. 3) USER PROFILES - People posting on Coolboard message boards can now access public user information, as well to the last 10 posts of your favorite users. This can be a great place to meet other Starweb fans and users of the Starweb Analyzer. You can share secrets, tips and hints about using our software and just chat with other gamers with similar interests to you. Flying Moose Technologies will monitor the board so you can even ask us questions, make future requests for features and just chat. If you have a serious bug to report or require FAST Technical support I would advise you to continue to use my email address (or one of the Tech support addresses listed on our web site). This Forum is meant to be a more social milieu and I don't promise a response as quickly as I can via email. Mike Well, that's it for Volume 29. Don't be afraid to submit articles or suggestions. They don't have to be long. Address your correspondence to Elliot Hudes at somnos@compuserve.com